College Football North vs South

Friend sent this to me thought I would share.


Planning for the fall football season in the South is radically different than up North. For those who are planning a football trip South, here are some helpful hints.

Woman's Accessories:

NORTH: Chap-stick in a back pocket and $20 bill in the front pocket

SOUTH: Louis Vuitton duffel with two lipsticks, waterproof mascara, and a fifth of bourbon. Money not necessary- that's what dates are for



Stadium Size:

NORTH: College football stadiums hold 20,000 people

SOUTH: High school football stadiums hold 20,000 people



Fathers:

NORTH: Expect their daughters to understand Sylvia Plath

SOUTH: Expect their daughters to understand pass interference



Campus Decor:

NORTH: Statues of founding fathers

SOUTH: Statues of Heisman trophy winners



Homecoming Queen:

NORTH: Also a physics major

SOUTH: Also Miss America



HEROES:

NORTH: Rudy Giuliani

SOUTH: Herschel Walker and Peyton Manning



Getting Tickets:

NORTH: 5 days before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus.

SOUTH: 5 months before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus, make a large financial contribution and put name on a waiting list for tickets



Friday Classes After a Thursday Night Game:

NORTH: Students and teachers not sure they're going to the game, because they have classes on Friday

SOUTH: Teachers cancel class on Friday because they don't want to see the few hung over students that might actually make it to class



Parking:

NORTH: An hour before game time, the University opens the campus for game parking

SOUTH: RVs sporting their school flags being arriving on Wednesday for the weekend festivities. The really faithful arrive on Tuesday.



Game Day:

NORTH: A few students partying in the dorm and watch ESPN on TV

SOUTH: Every student wakes up, has a beer for breakfast, and rushes over to where ESPN is broadcasting Game Day Live to get on camera and wave to the idiots up north who wonder why Game Day Live is never broadcast from their campus



Tailgating:

NORTH: Raw meat on a grill, beer with a lime in it, listening to a local radios station with the truck tailgate down

SOUTH: 30- foot custom pig-shaped smoker fires up at dawn. Cooking accompanied by live performance from the Dave Matthews Band... who come over during breask and ask for a hit off bottle of bourbon.



Getting to the Stadium:

NORTH: You ask "where's the stadium?" When you find it, you walk right in

SOUTH: When you're near it, you'll hear it. On game day it's the state's third largest city.



Concessions:

NORTH: Drinks served in a paper cup, filled to the top with soda.

SOUTH: Drinks served in a plastic cup, with the home team's mascot on it, filled less than half way with soda, to ensure enough room for bourbon.



When National Anthem is Played:

NORTH: Stands are less than half full, and less than half of them stand up

SOUTH: 100,000 fans, all standing, sing along in perfect four- part harmony.



The Smell in the Air After the First Score:

NORTH: Nothing changes.

SOUTH: Fireworks, with a touch of bourbon.



Commentary (male):

NORTH: "Nice play".

SOUTH: "Dammit, you slow sumbitch- tackle him and break his legs!"



Commentary (female):

NORTH: "My, this certainly is a violent sport"

SOUTH: "Dammit, you slow sumbitch- tackle him and break his legs!"



Announcers:

NORTH: Neutral and paid

SOUTH: Announces harmonizes with the crowd in the fight song, with a tear in his eye because he is so proud of his team.



After the Game:

NORTH: The stadium is empty way before the game ends

SOUTH: Another rack of ribs goes on the smoker, while somebody goes to the nearest store for more bourbon, and planning begings for next week's game.



Nothing else in the universe comes even halfway close to the glories of Southern football! GEAUX TIGERS!!